Funny office cleaning stories
Being an office cleaner in Brisbane (whilst a beautiful city) may not be seen as the most glamorous job in the world. But very often it can be the source of great or gross stories
Here are my top five interesting or funny moments (in no particle order) I have come across when cleaning
The winged Devil
When carrying out builders cleans, we usually open the windows and doors, to get a breeze through the building. Normally this causes no problems, but on one occasion a bird seized the opportunity to fly in. We then spent the next half an hour frustratingly trying to coax the winged devil back into its natural environment. Then afterwards re-clean the type of deposits that only a frightened bird can leave.
How did that get there???
I am not squeamish when it comes to cleaning mess up. But one day I was presented with a public toilet, that did cause my stomach some discomfort.
Imagine walking into a situation where someone had been caught short with what I can only describe as a severe case of projectile vomiting. And I suspect the loosening of the bowels had missed the toilet bowl with every passing bodily function.
Due to the horrific sight that befell all who entered the toilet, the staff had kindly locked the door. They then waited until the end of the day ‘for the cleaner to fix it up’.
Now anyone who has lived in Queensland knows the heat of the day can do funny things. So the situation that presented itself to me was one to behold. The mixture of vomit and faeces had welded itself to everything in the place. Needless to say, a considerable amount of time was spent soaking, scrubbing and eventually wiping clean the solidified substance.
The phantom whistle
Anyone who has worked on their own in a building late at night will have great office cleaning stories and also knows the situation can play tricks on your mind.
This situation occurred when I was a bit younger. I have always been a little scared of the dark, having a very active imagination. So when sent to do some vacuuming on my own in a dimly lit area I had to come up with some ways to alleviate my fears.
I did this by proceeding to whistle as I worked. I know it worked for the 7 dwarves and I was sure it would work for me. But at that very moment, the vacuum bag decided that it was full. Now anyone who knows the old machines will be aware that when the bag was full, the vacuum would emit a piercing whistle.
Well, when this machine did this, alongside my whistling. I thought there was a ghost in the room and I fled, leaving the machine running and whistling merrily to itself. To this day I am always wary of whistling vacuums.
Not again Colin
Similar to the previous situation with the mind playing tricks on you. We have a few customers who have life-size cut-outs of musicians or promotional figures around their premises. Very often these don’t cause an issue as they are in prominent potions.
But one site we used to clean had an aforementioned cut-out of the musician Colin Buchanan. Now I am sure Colin is a great guy. I know my wife and children have
seen him in concert. He also writes some great songs and is a real inspiration to many people. But he used to scare me and my staff witlessly consistently over the space of nearly 12 months.
His life-size effigy would either be hiding behind a door, as I emptied the bins, only to jump out on me as I turned around.
It used to appear inside the door area as I walked into the completely darkened store to turn the lights on.
At one stage, and most disturbingly, his head alone used to peer out of the window. So as I stepped from one darkened area into another he appeared. And I am sure his eyes followed me as I walked around the room
Sorry Colin, but to me, your life-size cut-out still pervades my nightmares
Love in the strangest of places
Often when cleaning offices on a night you are faced with dark entrances or walkways. One night when putting the rubbish away into the bin area, I was met with an amorous couple who had seized the moment to show their love to each other and used the bin area as their place of amour
Now I know there are way more romantic places than the dark bin area behind some offices to consummate your love, but each to their own…A friendly “hello” and “good evening” and the task was done…emptying the bins I mean…not theirs (I left them to it)
Hopefully, you have enjoyed these office cleaning stories. This has given you a bit of an insight into the funnier or interestingly gross parts of being a cleaner, carrying out our tasks, while the rest of you sleep.
If you want to know more about the great and often funny work NRE carries out, don’t’ hesitate to contact us.
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